this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
