my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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