So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
