this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
