just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
