Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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