lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
