id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
