You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
