When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
