Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
