I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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