Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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