Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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