I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
