Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
