I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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