He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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