I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
