so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
