I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
