**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
