Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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