why didn't you poke me back
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
