Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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