I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
