The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
