Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
