I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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