Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
