I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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