guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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