I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
