1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
