I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
