the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
