I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
