Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
