You're so nebulous sometimes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
