I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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