found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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