I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
