why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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