I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
