is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
