You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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