you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
