I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
