NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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