if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
