Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
