white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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