Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
